Havenwood Auditorium

December 19, 2023   3pm

Come for our annual celebration Tuesday December 19 at 3pm in the auditorium on the Havenwood campus.  There, with the help of the Triple H Singers and staff, we will join in the ancient story of Christmas told in words and song.

We will celebrate lessons and carols with the HHH Singers and bring in the holiday of Light and Peace together.  This is a particularly special service when all staff, residents and family join together in singing our celebration of Christmas. We hope you will be with us. A shuttle bus for Heritage Heights residents is available at 2:15 p.m.

Last Friday I got to sit with my five year old as he got his first shot of the Pfizer vaccine. This was a moment of hopefulness for me in the midst of another surge of this pandemic. The vaccine clinic was held at the elementary school gym and after their vaccination the kids were invited to sit at tables with coloring pages and crayons for the fifteen minutes. Coloring pages are the perfect thing for the after-shot release of energy and feeling! What was beautiful to me was the care that the school had put into making this possibility available to families like my own. And the attention to the kid’s experience that was there. It was another one of those moments when you feel the energy of people coming together for good.

This Thanksgiving is once again complicated by the pandemic – another surge threatening plans made when we were hopeful for a very different holiday this year. We can continue to be thankful for all the ways that people continue coming together for good – people here at HHH, people in the community, people around the world – rising to the call to help and care.

And while we cannot be thankful for everything, we can, as Br. David Steindl-Rast reminds us, be thankful in every moment. He invites us into a simple and profound practice he calls, “Stop. Look. Go.” Here are his words:

Most of us — caught up in schedules and deadlines and rushing around, and so the first thing is that we have to stop, because otherwise we are not really coming into this present moment at all, and we can’t even appreciate the opportunity that is given to us, because we rush by, and it rushes by. So stopping is the first thing.

But that doesn’t have to be long. When you are in practice, a split second is enough — “stop.”

And then you look: What is, now, the opportunity of this given moment, only this moment, and the unique opportunity this moment gives? And that is where this beholding comes in.

And if we really see what the opportunity is, we must, of course, not stop there, but we must do something with it: Go. Avail yourself of that opportunity. And if you do that, if you try practicing that at this moment, tonight, we will already be happier people, because it has an immediate feedback of joy.

I always say, not — I don’t speak of the gift, because not for everything that’s given to you can you really be grateful. You can’t be grateful for war in a given situation, or violence or domestic violence or sickness, things like that. There are many things for which you cannot be grateful. But in every moment, you can be grateful.

For instance, the opportunity to learn something from a very difficult experience — what to grow by it, or even to protest, to stand up and take a stand — that is a wonderful gift in a situation in which things are not the way they ought to be. So opportunity is really the key when people ask, “Can you be grateful for everything?” — no, not for everything, but in every moment.

Brother David Steindl-Rast, 2015 interview with Krista Tippett

May you and yours be well and supported today and into this holiday week. And may the blessing of God or all that sustains you, keep you safe, grant you peace and fill you with all that you need, just for today. Amen.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Joel

This week the spiritual care team has revitalized the resources for  use of the memorial quilts. We have replaced missing quilts from each floor and put all the quilts in a labeled box with a candle and instructions:

Instructions for Memory Quilts:

• Lay the quilt on the bed after the resident’s passing.

• If you wish you can put the candle (included in kit) on the tray and light.

• There is a prayer in the kit you can say if it is helpful. You can also take three deep breathes and send heartfelt wishes to the deceased and their families and friends.

• When finished. Put the quilt and the candle back in the box and store in the Medical Room.

This ritual of laying a quilt on the deceased empty bed is a way for us to honor the passing of those in our care. Whether we know the resident for a few days or many years it is sad when we witness the loss of life. It can leave us feeling empty as we move on to the next task in our work life. Taking the time to perform this simple ritual helps us honor that feeling of loss and fills the space with comradery as we all bear witness to those in our community that pass on.

After the appropriate amount of time. Taking the quilt off the bed and packing it away is the visible manifestation of life moving forward. We all move on, new people populate the room and we the staff learn to care for them with the same care and concern as the ones who have lived there before. This is one of the mystery of life and death which we are so fortunate to bear witness too.

I don’t know if you have seen the Disney movie “Coco”… what a great film. It is about the celebration of Day of the Dead, an important celebration long celebrated in Mexico. The story follows a 12-year-old boy named Miguel who is accidentally transported to the Land of the Dead, where he seeks the help of his deceased musician great-great-grandfather to return him to his family among the living and to reverse his family’s ban on music. It is a marvelous reflection on the intertwining of ancestors stories, the ways families live out brokenness and healing and the ways that we can stay connected to our ancestry.

The following poem is from the Celtic tradition but it echoes the same essence of using the thin space of this time to open to those who are gone and yet still with us and how we might rediscover the power of their presence in our lives.

Happy Halloween, All Soul’s and All Saints Day!
May you be the open light that you are seeking and may others be touched by your light this week.

Samhain
BY ANNIE FINCH
(The Celtic Halloween)

In the season leaves should love,
since it gives them leave to move
through the wind, towards the ground
they were watching while they hung,
legend says there is a seam
stitching darkness like a name.

Now when dying grasses veil
earth from the sky in one last pale
wave, as autumn dies to bring
winter back, and then the spring,
we who die ourselves can peel
back another kind of veil

that hangs among us like thick smoke.
Tonight at last I feel it shake.
I feel the nights stretching away
thousands long behind the days
till they reach the darkness where
all of me is ancestor.

I move my hand and feel a touch
move with me, and when I brush
my own mind across another,
I am with my mother’s mother.
Sure as footsteps in my waiting
self, I find her, and she brings

arms that carry answers for me,
intimate, a waiting bounty.
“Carry me.” She leaves this trail
through a shudder of the veil,
and leaves, like amber where she stays,
a gift for her perpetual gaze.

Annie Finch, “Samhain” from Eve, published by Carnegie Mellon University Press. Copyright © 1997 by Annie Finch. Reprinted by permission of the author.

I hope that the beauty of these fall days and the autumn air are a balm for your soul today.
I wanted to share with you a couple of cards that you can print out and cut in half.
They are helpful to me when I get short on my resources to cope with the stresses of the day.

The first is a gift from one of my mentors:

Be Proactive: Don’t let yourself get too HUNGRY, ANGRY, LONELY, TIRED (HALT)

The second is good advice when stressed beyond stressed and you need to communicate

Be Loving: STOP, BREATHE, REFLECT, CHOOSE

Then some Inspiration for you today;

Grant yourself a moment of peace,
And you will understand
How foolishly you have scurried about.
Learn to be silent,
And you will notice that
You have talked to much.
Be kind,
And you will realize that
Your judgement of others was too severe.
-Ancient Chinese Proverb

Anything I send to you, I take to heart and try to practice myself. This is a beautiful, terrifying, joyous, tumultuous time for many at work and at home.
Be your best self to yourself, and to others and you will sleep more soundly.

Much appreciation for all of you in all that you do.

May you be the hope you hope for the world and for our children and our children’s children.

Warmly,
Michelle

Last week was a difficult one for me personally and after a particularly hard morning I remembered a song a friend of mine wrote and played it in my car and found myself for the rest of the week playing it again and again. The refrain, “I ain’t the kind for giving up” reminded me of the strength and resilience that I’ve learned through hard seasons – reminded me that the grace that has sustained me before will carry me through this time and times to come.

With the return of response testing and quarantines, we are in another difficult and frustrating time, like wading through flood waters again. As I talk with residents and staff about how they’re feeling, I am reminded that we have been through this before. As the philosopher Heraclitus quipped, “You never step into the same river twice.” We are bringing lessons learned, coping practices, and strengths that we have gained from the time when other waves overwhelmed us. May the day come when the Activity Room will once again be the place where residents are seated in large and cohort-mingled circles following Jon and Sara’s armchair exercise promptings. And may it come soon. And until that day – may we be present to the difficulty that each is wading through, that all are wading through – even as we also take courage in the memory of our proven capacity to endure these waves working together in common purpose, in the memory that each of us has found the grace, the resource beyond ourselves to make it through so many hard times before now.   

“I know, it don’t quite feel right
Where we’re goin’, outcome uncertain
But I, I am focused
Every moment more determined
I ain’t the kind for giving up
I’ll make a way for you, my love
I won’t be sold the lies of the world
‘Cause I ain’t the kind
I ain’t the kind for giving up”

May you be well and supported and may the blessing of God or all that sustains you, keep you safe, grant you peace and fill you with all that you need, just for today. Amen.

Warmly,

Joel

The days are growing shorter and there is less light in the day. The time between day and night has lingered and given us lovely evening light. I am sharing this poem as it captures the ways that we can lose our energy and spark during this long shadowed time of pandemic.
Know that you have a choice to seek out light and beauty in the day to day of your life, in yourself, in those around you, in the incredible resilience and compassion of the human family.
You matter, our residents matter, our world matters.
All that is Sacred delights in your spark. Be the light you hope for the world.
Michelle

The Laughing Heart by Charles Bukowski

your life is your life
don’t let it be clubbed into dank submission.
be on the watch.
there are ways out.
there is light somewhere.
it may not be much light but
it beats the darkness.
be on the watch.
the gods will offer you chances.
know them.
take them.
you can’t beat death but
you can beat death in life, sometimes.
and the more often you learn to do it,
the more light there will be.
your life is your life.
know it while you have it.
you are marvelous
the gods wait to delight
in you.

Today is National Dog Day. But whether you love dogs, cats, guinea pigs or fish; our pets are a joy and comfort in good days and bad. “Pets” don’t have to be traditional either. They can be the birds at our feeder or the ducks we see at white park.

So I invite you to take a moment and reflect on how your pet brightens your life:

For me Aoife helps keep me fit, she keeps me from talking to myself and she helps me bring comfort to those I minister to at work.

So I offer you this prayer for our pets:

In Your infinite wisdom, God, when You created the Universe You blessed us with all living creatures. We especially thank You for giving us our pets who are our friends and who bring us so much joy in life. Their presence very often helps us get through trying times. Kindly bless my pet. May my pet continue giving me joy and remind me of Your power.

May we realize that as our pets trust us to take care of them, so we should trust You to take care of us, and in taking care of them we share in Your love for all Your creatures. Enlighten our minds to preserve all endangered species so that we may continue to appreciate all Your creatures.

Grant this through Your Love. Amen.

This is a week when our anxiety is as high as the humidity. And unlike the humidity, our anxiety won’t naturally decrease once the weather system passes. We are being inundated with alarming news that is once again putting us into hypervigilance, and making us reexamine our plans and dread the coming fall and winter. And this was supposed to be the summer when things became normal. So there’s a lot of disappointment, a lot of frustration, and all under the shadow of the uncertainty that leaves us feeling restless and distractable – sometimes overfunctioning, somethings underfunctioning and always a little exhausted.

I’d like to share two things that won’t make any of this objectively better, but may help you as you try to navigate your own way through the maelstrom. The first is an article (and recording if you prefer audio to text) from NPR this week that my colleague Kimberly shared with me. The piece, entitled: How to Deal with Renewed COVID Anxiety is based on an interview with DC-based physician Dr. Lucy McBride. The article helpfully brings us through the experience so many of us are grappling with right now and Dr. McBride speaks into it with skill and expertise helpfully offering advice for all of us as to how to cope like this snippet:

“The first step is acknowledging the trauma that we’ve experienced, the stacked stressors we’ve all been through over the last 17 months. That is real: It takes a toll on our bodies and minds. And once we allow ourselves to feel those complicated feelings, then we can unlock some coping strategies like making sure we exercise, prioritize sleep, connect with our loved ones and follow the facts. Make sure that you are looking to experts, including your trusted primary care provider, for nuanced advice to help marry broad public health advice with your unique situation. There is no one-size-fits-all prescription for human behavior in a pandemic. So, we really need to drill down into what it is that gives us a sense of safety and security, what it is we need to feel protected from disease and despair in tandem, and that is going to look different for each person.”

I encourage you to take the time to listen to the five minute interview or read the article and the highlights – One thing we know about coping with anxiety is that it very much can help to reengage the thinking part of the brain to calm the animal part that just wants to fight or flee or freeze.

But beyond that, we also need spiritual practices to slow us down and connect us again to ourselves and to the Spirit and to the sources of meaning and strength that sustain us. And so I offer also this blessing from poet John O’Donahue that you might read slowly to yourself during a break in your day or this evening – and let the words speak to you and give you some comfort.

When the rhythm of the heart becomes hectic,
Time takes on the strain until it breaks;
Then all the unattended stress falls in
On the mind like an endless, increasing weight.

The light in the mind becomes dim.
Things you could take in your stride before
Now become laborsome events of will.

Weariness invades your spirit.
Gravity begins falling inside you,
Dragging down every bone.

The tide you never valued has gone out.
And you are marooned on unsure ground.
Something within you has closed down;
And you cannot push yourself back to life.

You have been forced to enter empty time.
The desire that drove you has relinquished.
There is nothing else to do now but rest
And patiently learn to receive the self
You have forsaken in the race of days.

At first your thinking will darken
And sadness take over like listless weather.
The flow of unwept tears will frighten you.

You have traveled too fast over false ground;
Now your soul has come to take you back.

Take refuge in your senses, open up
To all the small miracles you rushed through.

Become inclined to watch the way of rain
When it falls slow and free.

Imitate the habit of twilight,
Taking time to open the well of color
That fostered the brightness of day.

Draw alongside the silence of stone
Until its calmness can claim you.
Be excessively gentle with yourself.

Stay clear of those vexed in spirit.
Learn to linger around someone of ease
Who feels they have all the time in the world.

Gradually, you will return to yourself,
Having learned a new respect for your heart
And the joy that dwells far within slow time.

May you be “excessively gentle with yourself” and feel supported today and may the blessing of God or all that sustains you, keep you safe, grant you peace and fill you with all that you need, just for today. Amen.

Good morning everyone,

Yesterday I had the honor of participating in the memorial service for HHH resident Peter Cross. Pete’s photography hangs in our chapels. He was someone who loved to walk camera in hand and, as his obituary put it, he had a discerning eye for beauty in the little things. Last summer I shared with him the following passage that I wanted to share with you all today in honor of Pete. This is from Annie Dillard’s book Pilgrim At Tinker Creek:

“About five years ago I saw a mockingbird make a straight vertical descent from the roof gutter of a four-story building.  It was an act as careless and spontaneous as the curl of a stem or the kindling of a star.

The mockingbird took a single step into the air and dropped.  His wings were still folded against his sides as though he were singing from a limb and not falling, accelerating thirty-two feet per second per second, through empty air.  Just a breath before he would have been dashed to the ground, he unfurled his wings with exact, deliberate care, revealing the broad bars of white, spread his elegant, white-banded tail, and so floated onto the grass.  I just rounded a corner when his insouciant step caught my eye; there was no one else in sight.  The fact of his free fall was like the old philosophical conundrum about the tree that falls in the forest.  The answer must be, I think, that beauty and grace are performed whether or not we will or sense them.  The least we can do is try to be there.“

On a few different occasions I shared this passage with Pete during our visits and he absolutely loved it.

Pete’s spiritual practice was centered around “being there.”

May your soul find nourishment in the beauty and grace in the little things today.