Can you remember who you were before the world told you who you should be?

                      —Danielle LaPorte

We are continually searching for our authentic selves. The faster I move, the more I forget. The slower I go, the more I can remember. Softness remembers; hardness forgets; surrender remembers and fear forgets. In these days of political strife, rampant pandemic, and economic hardship, I can become numb and wonder who am I, what am I about? I sometimes feel that I am operating like a robot and I am on automatic pilot.  Before the pandemic, I was meeting with friends, having coffee or dinner. I was involved in church activities and volunteered in the food pantry. Since the pandemic I don’t have those connections. I have to work harder at keeping my head straight and maintaining my authentic self. I realize now that I had been defining myself by my outside activities. It is important for me to slow down, and tune out the world, even for a short time. This time between pandemic and no pandemic is fallow time. Fallow time is when farmers allow a field to lie dormant, not plant, and let the soil rest. This is my time to be fallow, and more contemplative. I need to sit with myself and develop spiritual reserve in order to be of service to others. One way to do this is to: sit quietly, breathe in and out slowly, breathe softly and imagine my breath is cleansing water. I can then re-enter the world, energized, and ready to be my authentic self and to give to others.

Once upon a time,

when women were birds,

there was a simple understanding

that to sing at dawn

and to sing at dusk

was to heal the world through joy.

The birds still remember

what we have forgotten,

that the world

  is meant to be celebrated.

—Terry Tempest Williams

May you find rest in the joy of each day.

Mary Anne Totten, CPE Intern